Papa

Today would have been my Dad's 54th birthday. I have been told that the first year is the hardest- the first birthday, anniversary, holidays, etc. I struggled all day to know what I could do to commemorate this day. I thought first of blogging all the things I love about my Dad and why I am grateful to have been his daughter. Second, because my Dad got really into Family History while he was sick, as a birthday present to him, Kwint and I are taking a pile of names to the temple tomorrow to perform sealings for several family members he started the work on and was never able to finish. I think that is what he would ask me for.

So, here is why I am glad Lee McDaniel was (still is, actually, forever) my Dad.
*He always made me laugh
*I always thought I was the favorite child
*He was friendly to anyone and everyone
*He would drop anything to render service to anyone
*He had absolute faith in the Priesthood
*He had a talent for building and made things beautiful
*He loved flowers and gardening
*When he was too sick to work anymore he started making blackberry jam and planted a garden big enough to share with all his neighbors and the local food bank.
*He used to give me "five" every time I walked past him, even if it was 20 times a day
*I always knew and I still know that he loves me
*He always put 100% of himself into any project
*He never called me my real name, always a nickname. As a child it was Princess, as a teenager it was "Tahina"which means "sweetheart" in Hawaiin, or Giner.
*He could rock my babies to sleep better than I could. He used his finger to stroke their foreheads until they were lulled to sleep and he called it his "rubber hammer".
*He loved missionaries
*He loved Family History
*He loved my Mom (still does)

There is more, of course, much more. The great things about my Dad could fill a book, and the love I have for him could fill the whole world. I hope that I can give my boys some of the goodness I gleaned from him. I wish they could have known him longer. Brennan will not remember him, but I hope Kaeleb will. He called Kaeleb "Little Buddy" and loved him so much.

I am so grateful for the sweetness of our last visit together. My parents came for Brennan's blessing, 6 weeks before he died. It felt so good and so peaceful that I actually thought "Maybe he is going to get better- this just feels so right." He was so kind to my mom and talked about how he had learned that the secret to having a good marriage is unconditional love and putting each other first. We had just started the private practice and he was so supportive of Kwint and expressed his confidence that Kwint that would be successful. He told me that I am beautiful. He played cars with Kaeleb and when one set of wheels fell off his little dump truck he super-glued it back together and said "The truck is in the shop." He rocked Brennan to sleep and held him until his strength ran out. He asked my mom to take him and said he wished he could have held him longer.

They stayed an extra day to play. We made Hawaiian Haystacks and had Family Home Evening together. The Spirit was so strong and sweet and we didn't want to say goodnight.

Although we knew his time was short, it was shorter than we thought. We were planning a trip in February, but at Christmas they told us it would be a matter of days and I didn't have time to get there. It was so hard to know that I had already seen him for the last time in mortality and even harder when I talked to him on the phone for the last time. What do you say when you know it will be the last time, except "I love you"?

The last 7 months have been hard and I still miss him so much. I keep waiting for it to get easier, and I guess in some ways it is, but the pain still feels just as deep when I let myself feel it. But, I hope that as the years pass, I can remember him on each birthday with more smiles and less tears.